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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29823744">I'll Never Leave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PekoIsBaby/pseuds/PekoIsBaby'>PekoIsBaby</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Basically this is Ouchies Personified, Because when have I ever written anything that WASN'T Naegami, F/F, Friends to Lovers, How is that not a tag, Hurt No Comfort, I don't know how to properly tag that, I'm so sorry for this, Lesbian Naegi Komaru, Minor Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Nothing good happens, Ultimate Despair Naegi Komaru, Ultra Despair Girls Bad Ending AU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:14:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29823744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PekoIsBaby/pseuds/PekoIsBaby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This was all Toko's fault.</p><p>An examination of Komaru Naegi's descent into despair, from the perspective of her +1.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'll Never Leave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>,,,I need to start internalizing the definition of 'HAPPY' birthday, but uhh here's your birthday pain Toko! </p><p>I wrote this because I hate myself and I hate God and I hate all of you, enjoy /j</p><p>Really, though, I feel like I need to clarify: This is not in ANY way reflective of my feelings on Tokomaru. I love Tokomaru SO MUCH and I swear to you I will write something happier in the future that actually shows how I feel they would balance each other out in a really healthy and supportive relationship. This just begged to be written and I needed to do it. </p><p>That being said, I don't think I've reinvented the wheel here, I'm proud of it but it's not earth-shatteringly brilliant. </p><p>Also, don't think too hard about the fact that it's "gay couple walks through the apocalypse, character 1 being some kind of vector/continuation of said apocalypse while character 2 sticks by them no matter what" I didn't steal from TMA this time I promise I had this idea pre-listening to s5. </p><p>Okay, now:</p><p>-Spoilers for the entirety of Trigger Happy Havoc<br/>-Spoilers for the entirety of Ultra Despair Girls<br/>-Tiny implied/referenced spoilers for Goodbye Despair</p><p>And. Oh boy. The trigger warnings.</p><p>-Violence<br/>-Apocalyptic descriptions<br/>-Manipulative/abusive behavior (specifically relating to significant others) <br/>-Infanticide (kinda) (a lot of child murder)<br/>-Mob violence<br/>-Murder<br/>-Familial murder<br/>-Destruction<br/>-Blood<br/>-Panic attacks<br/>-Unhealthy relationships</p><p>PLEASE let me know if I need to add more, I think that covers anything but I never want to make anyone uncomfortable. </p><p>Also, just an extra note: I did my best to more accurately portray Toko's DID (I hate the way the games did it with a fiery passion and will probably never forgive them for it), but I do not myself have DID, so please let me know if there's anything wrong/harmful/could be handled better, and I'll do my best to fix it! It's important to me that I don't hurt anyone, especially with my portrayal of marginalized/stigmatized communities, so I'm absolutely willing to listen to any constructive criticism. </p><p>That being said,, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Toko hadn’t been fast enough.</p><p class="p1">That was what she kept reminding herself, every time her chest ached in resentment when Komaru snapped at her, every time her girlfriend left a house with a grim expression and made Toko promise not to look inside, every time her mind wandered at night to fireworks.</p><p class="p1">She hadn’t been fast enough. This was all her fault.</p><p class="p1">Toko remembered the look on Komaru’s face as the controller shattered in her hands. It was, somewhat bewilderingly, genuine surprise. It was as though she hadn’t thought herself strong enough to break it.</p><p class="p1">Toko remembered other things about the moment - the loud ringing in her ears and the explosions from the world below and the slow, sly smile on the little brat’s face - but, mostly, she remembered Komaru’s face. Scared and surprised and, strangely, almost impressed that she’d been able to do it at all.</p><p class="p1">Toko wanted so badly to say that she stopped looking impressed once she’d come back to herself a little, once she’d really witnessed the effect of her actions, once she and Toko had walked through the streets of Towa City and seen the blackened, headless corpses of children lining the streets. But Toko had always prided herself on being brutally, unflinchingly honest.</p><p class="p1">Monaca had let them both leave, saying they could go anywhere in the world that they wanted. Komaru squeezed Toko’s hand and smiled, a thin, broken thing that didn’t remind Toko at all of the bright, cheery expression she’d become so fond of.</p><p class="p1">“This is what we wanted, right? We get to go home now.” Her eyes glistened with tears. “Maybe you’ve got a home to go back to.”</p><p class="p1">“W-we need to get b-back to Future Foundation,” Toko said quietly. “You n-ne-n-n- you have to see your b-brother, and I… I n-need to get back to Master.” They’d rescued Byakuya pretty much immediately, per Toko’s insistence. Komaru had managed to at least convince him that nothing was… deeply wrong, but Toko figured that he knew something.</p><p class="p1">Komaru frowned. “Toko, you know you don’t have to go with him, right?”</p><p class="p1">Toko felt oddly offended by the notion. “O-of course I do, idiot! I follow where Master goes.”</p><p class="p1">“What if you stayed with me?” Toko nearly bit her tongue in surprise, whipping her head around as Komaru spoke. “I don’t think Byakuya wants you around that badly, anyway. And the rest of Future Foundation was just so mean to you, weren’t they? What kind of friends don’t even give you a proper uniform?”</p><p class="p1">Toko stiffened. “I-I wasn’t a member yet. You know that.”</p><p class="p1">“Do you really want to be?” Komaru shrugged. “It’s your choice, of course it is, but they just seem… I don’t know, cruel. They never helped us. Even Makoto couldn’t give us more than some information that you already mostly had.” Something in her face tightened. “I just don’t want you to leave me, that’s all.”</p><p class="p1">“I… y-you want me around?”</p><p class="p1">Komaru bit her lip, staring at the floor. “I don’t think I can make it without you, Toki.”</p><p class="p1">Shit.</p><p class="p1">“I’m scared. I’m scared of… of what happened, of what I did. I’m not going to have anyone else, Toko. Makoto won’t forgive me, my parents are…” Komaru swallowed hard. “But you understand, right? You know what it’s like to do horrible things.”</p><p class="p1">Toko’s mouth went dry. “That’s different.”</p><p class="p1">Komaru’s eyes widened. “O-of course! I know it is, it’s totally- and I don’t want to- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“</p><p class="p1">“No! No, just… s-shut up, it’s f-f- it’s okay.” Toko hated her stutter more than anything else in the world.</p><p class="p1">Komaru smiled gratefully. “You do get it, right? You know I’m not… I’m not evil. I’m not like what they said.”</p><p class="p1">Toko scanned Komaru’s face. Her eyes were heavy with fear, with guilt. She was exactly Toko’s height. If Toko focused, she could almost feel her friend’s breath.</p><p class="p1">“No. You’re not.” Toko sighed. “I’ll stick around. Just f-f-for a little, though. I c-can’t have you getting too codependent.”</p><p class="p1">Komaru threw her arms around Toko, squeezing tightly. Toko felt her heart flutter in her chest and hugged back.</p><p class="p1">They left Towa almost immediately. After everything that had happened, Komaru hadn’t wanted to give the place another glance. If Toko thought it might have been prudent to stay, to try and make up for the mess they’d created, the thought was chased from her mind when Komaru squeezed her hand and whispered that they were “finally free of this stupid place”.</p><p class="p1">The two girls stood, hand in hand, on the edge of the city, preparing to step onto the bridge (hastily remade in the days following the apocalypse). Komaru wouldn’t meet Toko’s eyes.</p><p class="p1">“W-what’s wrong with you?” Toko snapped, unable to keep the worry from her voice.</p><p class="p1">Komaru stiffened. “Toko, if… if I told you something, would you be angry?”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t put that kind of p-pressure on me!” Toko protested.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry, it’s just… it’s important.”</p><p class="p1">Toko sighed. “No, I won’t b-be angry. What did- what did you need?” The words were barely out of her mouth before Komaru grabbed her and pressed a kiss to her lips, fast and harsh and almost too quick for Toko to register. As it was, though, she was left blinking in shock, a hand unconsciously coming up to her lips to brush the spot where Komaru had just been.</p><p class="p1">Komaru stared at her expectantly, eyes wide with nervousness. Toko felt as though everything was going in slow motion. Ridiculously, the first thought that came to mind was that this wasn’t <em>it</em>, wasn’t the big romantic gesture she had (admittedly) been dreaming of. This wasn’t a loud, dramatic declaration in a tense situation, or a whisper in a moment of quiet. This wasn't soothing words or communication or even any direct 'confession' at all. This wasn’t what she’d wanted since she’d known she could fall in love, and it certainly wasn’t what she’d wanted since the first time Komaru had made her heart stutter in her chest.</p><p class="p1">Still, it was the warmest she’d felt since Komaru had broken the controller.</p><p class="p1">“Do that again.” Her voice didn’t falter. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.</p><p class="p1">“Really?” Komaru sounded more surprised than anything else.</p><p class="p1">Toko kissed her firmly, trying to will away the shattered glass against her lips. “Yes.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">They travelled for days in the rest of the world, watching the apocalypse rage around them. They had to run for their lives daily. Nowhere was safe.</p><p class="p1">But Komaru’s brow furrowed when she concentrated, and her laugh - too loud for the darkness of their new world - was open and came increasingly easily, and the further away they went from Towa the more her posture straightened, and Toko got to watch the girl she’d fallen in love with come back, little by little. The brokenness was rubbed away a bit each day, revealing new strength, new confidence. The two of them carved out a tiny pocket of light and companionship amidst the raging of the end of the world. Toko liked to think that, in some small way, she was helping Komaru. It certainly seemed like it, when Komaru buried her face into Toko’s chest and whispered words that <em>had</em> to mean something. Finally, their relationship had become a romance. A dark romance, for certain, but still. Toko had never been so whole.</p><p class="p1">But it wasn’t simple. Sometimes Komaru’s eyes darkened when she saw a child, running away with terror in their eyes, and she told Toko to “wait there” for her to come back. Toko always did, and never once did she question Komaru upon her return. Sometimes Komaru would say something about how “they’re all agents of hers, Toki. Somebody has to make sure they don’t become a bigger threat.” But sometimes she’d just smile to indicate that she’d been successful, and they’d move on.</p><p class="p1">Toko had never expected the smell of blood to become so associated with someone she loved so much.</p><p class="p1">Syo didn’t seem too bothered by any of this. She fronted more and more often, as the sight of blood and gore and death became more and more common. Toko was sometimes able to get over it without a switch, but it hurt to try to avoid, and… well, it was Syo’s job, wasn’t it? To deal with that. To deal with things that hurt her.</p><p class="p1">“You think Komaru hurts you?” She could feel Syo laughing. “What a perfect love story.”</p><p class="p1">Not Komaru. Never Komaru. Just… the things she had to do. The cold way she had looked at Toko when she asked where they were going from here.</p><p class="p1">“There is no ‘from here’ anymore, Toko.” She sounded so far away. “Just death, and destruction, and despair.” Her eyes flicked to meet Toko’s, and a glimmer of desperation appeared in them. “But not for us. Not yet. I have you.” She grasped her hand. “You’re my hope, Toki.”</p><p class="p1">Funny, those words had always sounded so romantic in her head.</p><p class="p1">The result of the conversation: Toko gave up on trying to guess at their direction. They walked, and sometimes they stopped, and that was it. There was no goal, no mission. They were running around in utter despair, with the exception of one another.</p><p class="p1">They stopped to rest in the shell of a bombed-out house, eat some rations - granola bars and dried fruit, non-perishables - that Komaru had ‘obtained’ during her alone time. Maybe they smelled like death. Maybe it was just that everything smelled like death.</p><p class="p1">“Komaru… why isn’t the world getting any better?”</p><p class="p1">Komaru looked up, confused. “Why would it be?”</p><p class="p1">“Well… Future Foundation is working to fix everything, the Remnants aren’t active… Monaca’s mostly defeated, and Junko’s dead… what’s holding it together?”</p><p class="p1">“Stupid question, Toki,” Komaru laughed. “Do you really think the Future Foundation can do anything? What did they do for us back in Towa? If anything, their interference made things worse.”</p><p class="p1">Toko felt a pit in her stomach. “At l-least they’re trying. What’re you doing about this stuff?”</p><p class="p1">Komaru’s eyes narrowed. “Nothing. There’s nothing to do, especially not for someone like me. I’m just trying to survive, and to keep you with me. What more do you want?” She gripped Toko’s wrist, fingers tightening against her skin. “What can I do to make you <em>happy</em>?” She spat the word out as if it burned. </p><p class="p1">Toko told herself she was scared for the future. Scared for what might happen if they were separated. Scared that Komaru was upset. She wasn’t scared of her girlfriend, because that was ridiculous.</p><p class="p1">Still, she apologized immediately and profusely and didn’t mention it again.</p><p class="p1">Nighttime was easier. Toko would lie awake, watching Komaru snore, and see her face relax, muscles loosen, breathing slow. It was easy, then, to pretend that nothing was different. That they were still in the underground base, and that Komaru was still happy.</p><p class="p1">Then she woke screaming, and grasped Toko so tightly it was difficult to breathe, and it was all over.</p><p class="p1">It seemed like Toko’s words actually had spurred something in Komaru, because after a while she began giving rallies. She told Toko they were to inspire people, to let them know what had happened, to make them realize that the Tragedy could end if they’d only let it.</p><p class="p1">Toko attended one of the rallies. Komaru listed off the horrible things that had happened to her, the horrible things she’d done, and the people listened in near-rapture. Toko waited for Komaru to add that she’d escaped it, and that she’d destroyed the Warriors of Hope, and that, now, they could move on, but she didn’t. She just repeated every horrible thing that had happened to her in a slow, determined voice, and watched as people screamed with horror and excitement and bloodlust. Toko didn’t go to any more of the rallies.</p><p class="p1">“If you think they’re doing that much harm, you should tell her to stop.”</p><p class="p1">Are you going to?</p><p class="p1">“Fuck no! This is hilarious. I just wish we'd watch more. It’s downright entertaining to see these people flock to her. Kinda cute, to be honest.”</p><p class="p1">Toko knew Syo was lying. She knew that it was just what she wanted to believe, that Syo was just as terrified as she was. But she didn’t push it. Both of them could feel one another’s fear, stark and guilty and intense. They both loved Komaru more than anything, and they both knew something was happening to her. Something out of their control.</p><p class="p1">The apocalypse got worse. People turned on children in a frenzy. Komaru assured Toko that it was a good thing, that it was a small price to pay, that everything gets worse before it gets better. Toko wondered if Komaru believed that.</p><p class="p1">“I love you so much, you know that?” Komaru pressed a kiss to Toko’s cheek. “I think I always kinda liked you, but now I know. You’re all I have, Toko. You’re what keeps me from… from giving in. From being her.” Komaru’s eyes darkened. “It’s easy sometimes, you know? To listen to everything that’s happened, and see what I did, and… and believe that I’m her. Believe that I’m no better. But you remind me that it’s not true. You keep me human. You’re the only thing that’s keeping me human. As long as I love you, I can’t be her.” Her arms snaked around Toko’s stomach and held her from behind. Toko felt loved. She felt trapped. She wanted to run. She couldn’t have left if she’d wanted to.</p><p class="p1">“Because I’m… w-what, your soulmate or something?” Toko teased, injecting happiness into her voice (it was surprisingly difficult, given how happy she was).</p><p class="p1">“Maybe!” Komaru giggled. “I believe it. You’re just… I know that I’m all you have, too. That makes it easier.”</p><p class="p1">Toko smiled, relaxing. That, at least, was true. Entirely, and unquestioningly. “I l-love you, too, alright?”</p><p class="p1">“I know.” They didn’t speak for a while, just holding each other and pretending that the world wasn’t collapsing.</p><p class="p1">It was a few days before Toko noticed Komaru quieting. She was angry, distant, closed off more often than not, and Toko couldn’t figure out why. She was clearly putting effort into hiding it, but Toko recognized pain when she saw it.</p><p class="p1">“C’mon. W-what’s… what’s wrong?”</p><p class="p1">Komaru stared at the floor. “I want to destroy The Future Foundation.”</p><p class="p1">Toko stepped back as though she’d been slapped. “W-what? Komaru, you- no, you c-can- you sh-shouldn’t-“ she couldn’t finish a sentence, stumbling over her words, panic rising in her throat.</p><p class="p1">“I mean… think about it, Toki! They wouldn’t send anyone to help us. Anyone. We were stuck in there, bumbling our way through a hellscape, trying so <em>hard</em> to do good…” Komaru’s hands were shaking. “Maybe… maybe if they’d helped-“</p><p class="p1">“But they c-couldn’t ha-ha- they couldn’t have.” Toko took a deep breath. “Master-“</p><p class="p1">“Don’t call him that,” Komaru said coldly. “You’re mine now, remember? Not his.” She shook her head. “And either way, why is he more important than all of us? What makes him so special? If they’d have done something, I know I wouldn’t have had to… I wouldn’t have been forced to do it. It wouldn’t have gotten to that point.”</p><p class="p1">Forced? “K-Komaru, he’s an im-important- he’s an important member of the Foundation, and he’s- I’m just- we’re not-“</p><p class="p1">“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”</p><p class="p1">What? “No! N-no, I- I listened to you, I k-know he didn’t- I understand now, I just-“</p><p class="p1">“Would you choose me over him?”</p><p class="p1">“I did, didn’t I?” Toko felt her heart rate quicken. Komaru wouldn’t hurt her. Komaru wouldn’t hurt her. Things went in and out of focus in her head, thoughts becoming less and less coherent, and she struggled to swallow her panic because she <em>needed</em> to stay for this conversation.</p><p class="p1">“I mean more than that.” Komaru stepped closer, and Toko backed away, shaking. “Would you kill him? If it meant protecting me?”</p><p class="p1">“What?”</p><p class="p1">“Would you kill Byakuya Togami?”</p><p class="p1">Syo didn’t say anything, but Toko could feel her, pressing in so tight against her consciousness that there was barely any room for her, and it was practically both of them that choked out a tearful “Don’t ask me that, p-please.”</p><p class="p1">“Why not?” Komaru almost didn’t look angry, more… sad, with an edge of viciousness. She looked heartbroken. “Because the answer is no?”</p><p class="p1">“N-no, of course it’s not- I’d-“</p><p class="p1">“You can’t have an issue with killing, or you would’ve stopped doing it so much all the time,” Komaru challenged. Toko felt Syo stiffen. “So what is it? Is it just that it’s him?”</p><p class="p1">“N-no, no, no, I just- I just don’t w-want to be th-that person anymore, I c-can’t, I’m tired of-“ was it Toko speaking? Syo? They were so awfully close.</p><p class="p1">“We all don’t want to be who we were, but we can’t stop it, right?” Komaru’s voice dripped with bitterness. “I get not wanting to be a killer. I don’t. But it’s a hypothetical, Toki. You know what I’m asking.”</p><p class="p1">Was it a hypothetical? Toko wasn’t sure. Still, she’d spent most of her life avoiding confrontation, avoiding strife, avoiding danger, so she whispered “I’d choose you. Every time” and gripped Komaru’s hand so tightly it hurt.</p><p class="p1">Komaru squeezed back. “Thank you.” Then, suddenly, she looked down at Toko - shaking, sobbing, closing her body in even as Syo tensed for attack - and her eyes widened. “Oh, god, Toko, I…” She let go of her hand. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I…”</p><p class="p1">“It’s okay.” It wasn’t. “You didn’t mean it.” Yes she did.</p><p class="p1">“It’s…” Komaru took in a shuddering breath. “It’s the Future Foundation. Thinking about it. I just… I get so angry. I’m scared that, if they keep being… I might hurt you again.” The fragments of sentences, strung together into a not-quite-statement, made Toko’s heart sink.</p><p class="p1">“You’re s-saying that, if we d-don’t destroy it…”</p><p class="p1">Komaru’s eyes were so sad. “Toko, nothing hurts me more than seeing you upset. You know that, right?”</p><p class="p1">It was stupid to agree. To stay. Toko had seen, hadn’t she? She knew what Komaru was capable of, she knew… she knew what was happening.</p><p class="p1">But she loved Komaru. And Komaru loved her.</p><p class="p1">So she stayed. And she didn’t stop Komaru, not even when she left one morning and came back startlingly happy and smelling of smoke. Not even when she tried to contact Makoto, or Byakuya, or even Hiro, and nobody responded.</p><p class="p1">They weren’t dead. They couldn’t be. But Toko worried, even if she never let Komaru know.</p><p class="p1">She told herself that she was going to fix this. That she was staying because Komaru could be brought back and because Toko was the only one who could do it. But it was, as Syo reminded her daily, a lie.</p><p class="p1">“You don’t want her to be fixed,” she’d say, sing-song only half hiding her own agony. “You like that she’s so devoted to you, and you think the whole affair’s rather romantic. Not that I’m any different.” Her laugh echoed through Toko’s bones.</p><p class="p1">She did want things to be okay - with Komaru, and with herself - but she didn’t know how to do it. She was just scared, and in love, and she knew that there was just about nothing that would make her leave Komaru.</p><p class="p1">Komaru, to her credit, was still trying. She’d bring home food and set it up like they were having a proper dinner. At night, they’d watch the stars. Komaru whispered sweet nothings into the air, and Toko would feel more loved than she’d ever thought possible.</p><p class="p1">“I n-never had someone, you know?” Toko didn’t look at Komaru as she spoke. “I was always… always alone. I was so l-lone- lonely. M-my family hated me, and t-then I just kept falling in love w-with the- with the-“ She gave up on the sentence. “I made mistakes. I g-got hurt. But y-you… you make me think it was worth it.” And she did. For all the horrible, twisted, painful experiences, for all the impossible darkness their situation thrust them into, Komaru made it worth it. She even made it worth listening to her and realizing how much she sounded like… her.</p><p class="p1">Komaru took too much joy in the pain of others. She swore it wasn’t really happiness, just… satisfaction, that it finally wasn’t the two of them being hurt, but Toko knew. The more Komaru tried to find excuses, the more Junko lived in her. It was the most horrible thing Toko had ever witnessed, and it hurt to look at her.</p><p class="p1">“Promise me,” Komaru said that night. “Promise me that you’ll always love me, no matter what.”</p><p class="p1">It wasn’t a question. “I promise.”</p><p class="p1">Toko didn’t count the days anymore, but she knew that it was a long time before she questioned that promise. She watched Komaru stir crowds to riot, slip away to commit atrocities, and apologize for it less and less, and she never once wavered. It was Komaru. There was nothing she could do but love her.</p><p class="p1">Besides, it was like Komaru said: What made Toko any different? Sure, it was technically Syo who was the killer, but Toko had (terrified, late at night, praying that someone could tell her it wasn’t her fault) read a lot about ‘system responsibility’. She knew that Toko (and whoever else was rattling around in there, not bold enough to give her a name but solid enough that she knew they had to exist and have purpose and front <em>sometimes</em>) wasn’t an innocent bystander in what Syo did. If Toko deserved to be forgiven, then so did Komaru. It was as simple as that.</p><p class="p1">And she did forgive Komaru. Every time Komaru asked her to. She’d tell her quietly, whisper in her ear until she stopped shaking and a tiny smile spread across her face. Toko hated seeing Komaru upset, but she couldn’t help but cling to those moments, because they reminded her that Komaru was just as afraid of this as she was.</p><p class="p1">Then Komaru asked weekly rather than nightly, then only a few times a month, then never at all. Toko would sometimes say it anyway, after she’d done something horrible. A riot started by Komaru’s words would leave fifteen dead and more injured, and Toko would tell her that she forgave her, and Komaru would look at her with the most genuine puzzlement Toko had ever seen and ask “For what?”</p><p class="p1">Toko’s heart would shatter again, and again, and again, but at no point would she consider leaving.</p><p class="p1">Not until late one night, when a voice woke the two girls from their sleep. “Komaru?”</p><p class="p1">Toko shot up first, recognizing the voice. “Makoto!” Ignoring his surprise at seeing her, she ran to tackle him in a hug. She didn’t care that she didn’t like hugs. She didn’t care that Makoto was an idiot. She didn’t care about any of it, because he was <em>alive</em> and he was <em>here</em> and she <em>hadn’t let him die</em>.</p><p class="p1">“I-I thought you m-m- you might have…” she whispered into his hair. “I’m- I’m sorry.”</p><p class="p1">“Toko, what- what’s happening?” Makoto pulled away to look up at her.</p><p class="p1">“Toko?” Komaru had sat up. Her eyes widened. “Makoto!”</p><p class="p1">“Komaru, hi.” Makoto scratched the back of his neck. “I was… actually looking for you.”</p><p class="p1">“What is it?”</p><p class="p1">Makoto looked miserable. “The people outside, they… word gets around, and I just…” He looked at her helplessly. “Is it true? What they’re saying?”</p><p class="p1">“And if it is?” Komaru’s voice went cold as she stood to stand next to Toko.</p><p class="p1">“Why?” Makoto didn’t say more. He didn’t have to.</p><p class="p1">Komaru closed her eyes for a moment, breathing. She didn’t look scared, or sad, just… nervous. Like she was waiting for something. “I think we both know <em>why</em>, Makoto.”</p><p class="p1">Makoto turned to Toko. “And… what, you’re just letting her? Why aren’t you stopping her?”</p><p class="p1">“I can’t,” Toko whispered. “Th-there’s- I promised her. I’m n-not going to hurt her.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh.” Makoto’s eyes drifted to their entwined hands. “Toko…”</p><p class="p1">“I know.” She squeezed Komaru’s hand, and her eyes met Makoto’s, wishing so badly that she could say something. Anything. I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. I’m sorry that I can’t save her. But I won’t leave her, whether she’s saved or not.</p><p class="p1">“Komaru… unless you agree to stop whatever it is you’re doing and come quietly, I’m going to have to detain you.”</p><p class="p1">“Detain your own sister?” Komaru’s lips twitched. “How very self-sacrificing of you.” She narrowed her eyes. “Or… wait… wouldn’t that make you more like <em>her</em> than I ever was?”</p><p class="p1">Makoto stumbled as though he’d been shot. “What?”</p><p class="p1">“If I remember correctly, she killed her sister,” Komaru said, hand leaving Toko’s. She didn’t sound like herself. She sounded more like herself than she had in weeks. “But you’re weaker than her, and we both know it, so… what, is this your way of trying to one-up me? Get the upper hand in this, just like you do with everything?”</p><p class="p1">“Komaru, of course not,” Makoto said slowly. “I just-“</p><p class="p1">“It’s not going to work,” Komaru interrupted tiredly. “I’ve got a very simple way to beat you on this one, and I think she’d really like it.“ She regarded him coolly. "I really thought you'd died in the explosion, Makoto. But you're too stubborn, right? Like a weed. I have to get you from the source." She snorted. "I used to really admire that about you, you know? I thought it was the coolest thing in the world, how you could always get up. But it's interfering here. I have things to do, and I'm not gonna let you stop me." Her eyes never left Makoto as she spoke. "Toko, you can go outside if you want to. I know you're not good with... well." </p><p class="p1">“Komaru, n-no.” Toko warned. “Th-this is… this isn’t you.”</p><p class="p1">Komaru turned to look at her, and… oh. Toko felt panic rock through her, sharp as a knife, as she looked at the girl she loved.</p><p class="p1">But it wasn’t her. Not really. Not anymore. And Toko didn’t know how to handle a stranger.</p><p class="p1">Makoto tried to run. Komaru was faster. Toko watched in helpless horror as she caught up to her brother, grabbing him as he kicked and struggled and screamed louder than she’d ever heard anyone scream. She whipped out something small and sharp - had she taken Toko’s scissors when she’d gotten out of bed? - and plunged it into his chest. Hard.</p><p class="p1">His eyes went wide as dark pink spread across the front of his t-shirt. Amidst the ringing in her ears, it occurred to Toko that he suddenly looked so much younger, like he’d reverted back to the little kid who’d stumbled into Hope’s Peak that first day and stuttered his way through friendly introductions. Like the years of maturing and working and growing had fallen away, like he'd never even seen blood before and was horrified that there could be so much of it. He looked so, so small. He was trembling, and his eyes filled with pained tears. Komaru embraced him like an old friend and didn't move. </p><p class="p1">“Toko… run…”</p><p class="p1">I c-can’t,” she murmured, tears flowing soundlessly down her horrified face.</p><p class="p1">“Then… tell Byakuya?” His voice was small, and he was somehow still standing, Komaru holding the scissors in him tightly (her body was shaking with violent sobs). “Tell him I didn’t… I don’t want him looking for me. Please.” His voice cracked. “Please.”</p><p class="p1">“Okay. Okay.”</p><p class="p1">“And-“ he was cut off as Komaru plunged the scissors in again, and again, and again, pink spraying across her face and throughout the room and onto the floor. She didn’t stop until his eyes dulled and his breath stilled and he fell to the floor.</p><p class="p1">The room was spinning. Toko couldn’t breathe. The air was tight around her throat, and everything was too much, and Komaru was looking at her brother’s corpse with manic joy and pain and despair in her eyes, and Toko didn’t know which way was up or down or left or right and nothing was real and everything was far too real and she couldn’t <em>breathe</em>-</p><p class="p1">She didn’t see the rest. Syo wouldn’t let her, taking over and blocking it off, sealing Toko away while Syo handled the rest. All she knew was that she woke up far away, and that Syo didn’t want her to go back. She said that they couldn’t go back.</p><p class="p1">But they couldn’t just leave Komaru, could they? Toko had promised. No matter who Komaru was, she’d still promised.</p><p class="p1">“You fucking idiot, it doesn’t- she’s not- god, Toko, she’s a monster!”</p><p class="p1">And you’re not?</p><p class="p1">“That’s different, and you know it.”</p><p class="p1">Do I?</p><p class="p1">“Yes,” Syo said. “You’re in my head. You know just as well as I do that we don’t have a choice.”</p><p class="p1">That’s a lie, and we both know it.</p><p class="p1">“God damnit, Toko,” Syo hissed. “I didn’t ask, okay? I didn’t ask to exist, I didn’t ask to protect you, and I didn’t…” Toko couldn’t see her, but she could feel Syo slumping, the fight going out of her. “I know you hate me, alright? That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that I’m going to do my job, and I’m not going to let you walk back into a dangerous situation because you think it’s cute.”</p><p class="p1">It’s not cute, it’s just… I can’t leave her. Frustration built in Toko’s chest. I won’t leave her.</p><p class="p1">“You’re hopeless.” Syo was infuriated, Toko knew, but she was trying to be rational. Toko almost appreciated that. “She’s not… Komaru’s dead, Toko.”</p><p class="p1">You don’t know that.</p><p class="p1">“Speaking as someone who’s had to bury a few iterations of herself, I very much do,” she snapped. “Komaru’s just going to hurt you. I know that sucks, but you need to suck it up. She’s gone, Toko.”</p><p class="p1">She’s stronger than that.</p><p class="p1">“Then why isn’t she fighting?” Toko didn’t have an answer. “Toko, I hate to do this. But if you try to go back, I will kill her. I will cut her open, and I will never let you think about her again. If you want her to stay safe, you start walking in the other direction.”</p><p class="p1">I hate you.</p><p class="p1">“I know. But it’s not my job to have you like me.”</p><p class="p1">I wish you were dead. I wish you’d never existed in the first place. They were empty words, and Toko knew it (so, of course, Syo did, too), but she still thought them. And they still hurt.</p><p class="p1">“Stop being arbitrary and stupid and let’s find Master.” Syo was insistent, pounding on the inside of her mind, begging her. “I won’t let us go back.”</p><p class="p1">Toko closed her eyes. If we find Byakuya, we have to tell him about Makoto.</p><p class="p1">“He’ll get over it.”</p><p class="p1">No, she thought with a bitterness she hadn’t tasted in months. He won’t.</p><p class="p1">Still, she stood up. He deserved to know. She’d find him, tell him, and… and then figure out what to do with Komaru. She still needed saving, whether Syo could see it or not. Toko would go to her, and stay with her, and… hopefully, she’d bring her home. She had to.</p><p class="p1">Toko picked a direction and started walking.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ow. :)</p><p>Does Toko go back with Komaru? Does Byakuya actually help her? Does Byakuya immediately go murder Komaru? You decide! I probably won't write a sequel to this because I'm very lazy, so you're pretty much free to interpret however you want. </p><p>Again, Toko and Komaru's actual canon relationship? Beautiful perfect iconic. But,,, I mean they SAID the next Junko Enoshima,,, what was I *meant* to do? </p><p>Anyway uhhh I guess I've handily killed Gay Rights, so sorry for that /j</p><p>Oh god I just realized I have something ouchie planned for Hiyoko's birthday, too,,,, I physically can't write Happy Things it's a curse</p><p>Killing Makoto physically hurt me and I'll never recover thanks </p><p>Hope you enjoyed! Or something!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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